Just For Laughs!

How do you make a small fortune our of horses?
Start with a large Fortune!!

Horse Maker
A little boy had just returned from a walk in the country with his granny. 'Mum, Mum,' he called out. 'We've just seen a man who makes horses!'
'Really?' asked his mother
'Yes, and he'd nearly finished,' said the boy. 'As we walked by he was nailing on its feet.'

Popular put downs used by sarcastic riding instructors!
· 'I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in this manege.
· 'I'll try to be nicer if you try to be better.'
· 'I like you. You remind me of when I couldn't do a half pass either.'
· 'Not all stallions are annoying. Some are DEAD!'
· 'I'm trying to imagine you can ride.'

How many horses does it take to change a light bulb?
Warmblood - Light bulb? What light bulb?
Thoroughbred - Oh no, not a light bulb gone! How terrifying! Why do you have to scare me like that!
New Forest - Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Welsh Cob - Don't change it. If it's dark no one will see me raid the feed the feed bins?
Show Pony - Lights? Lights? Where? Do you want me straight on, or in profile?
Shetland - I can't reach the stupid light?


A cowboy rode into town on Thursday,
Stayed 3 days and rode out on Thursday.
How is this possible?

Answer: His horse's name was Thursday!!!!

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... the TOYMASTER store manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: "I think your horse looks pretty good, so I'll give you £500 for him."
"He doesn't look so good, and he's not for sale," the farmer said.
The man insisted, "I think he looks just fine and I'll up the price to £1,000."
"He doesn't look so good," the farmer said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours."
The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, "You sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!"
The farmer calmly replied, "I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"

One day, while I was petting a Shetland Pony at the zoo, a friend of mine asked, "How are you today?." I responded, "I'm feelin a little hoarse."

A city man came to a farm and saw a beautiful horse. He decided he had to have the animal. He bargained with the farmer and the farmer finially sold him the horse. The city man jumped on the horse and said, "Giddyup!" The horse didn't budge. The farmer explained, "This is a special kind of horse. He'll only move if you say, 'Praise the Lord.' To stop him, you have to say, 'Amen.'" Keeping this in mind, the new owner yelled, "Praise the Lord!" whereupon the horse took off with great speed. Soon horse and rider were headed for a cliff. Just in time the rider remembered to say "Amen!" The horse came to a screeching halt right at the edge of the cliff. Relieved, the rider raised his eyes to heaven and exclaimed, "Praise the Lord!"

JUNIOR: Daddy, there's a man at the circus who jumps on a horse's back, slips underneath his belly, catches hold of its tail and finishes on the horse's neck!
FATHER: That's nothing. I did all that the first time I rode a horse!

Murphy's Horse Laws

- There is no such thing as a sterile yard cat.
- No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.
- The least useful horse in you yard will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.
- A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.
- Your favorite tack always gets chewed, and your new blanket gets torn.
- Tack you hate will never wear out and blankets you hate cannot be destroyed.
- Horses you hate cannot be sold and will out-live you.
- Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is only half clipped.
- If you approach within fifty feet of your yard in clean clothes, you will get dirty.
- The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stbles in your yard.
- Your yard would fall down without baling twine.
- Hoof picks always run a way from home.
- If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury.
- If you are winning, then quit, because there is only one way to go. Down!

You know you are a horseperson when:

- You cluck to your car when you go up a hill.
- Your horse's hair is in better condition than your own.
- You refer to your car as "my portable tack room".
- You are exited when your friend tells you that there is a huge sale at the bridle shop, then you are dissapointed when you realise they mean the bridal shop.
- You have the vet's number but not your kid's pediatrician on speed dial.
- Your spouse can track dirt into the house all they want, but God help them if they muddy up the tack room.
- Your house is a mess, but the yard is as neat as a pin.
- Your nice clothes are the ones without horse hair all over them.
- You have to go to your friend's wedding in riding clothes because you took too long at the yard. Only horsepeople would spend hundreds of pounds on a show for a 50p rosette

Five Gaited Horse:
Start, Stop, Stumble, Stagger and Fall.

Horse slang: Skid Lid - a riding helmet.

Q: Why couldn't the pony sing? A: Because his voice was a little hoarse!!!